Sticks and Stones
by StarBucksIsLife9
Summary: Alternative for what happened to Spencer on 3x16 when she found out Toby was A *Trigger Warning*!
1. chapter 1

**This story is an alternative on what happened when Spencer found out Toby was -A at episode 3x16. May cause extreme heartbreak! Just kidding... Or am I ;)**

 **Trigger Warning!!!!!!! Self Harm, Suicide idealisation, HeartBreak. Sparia, Spanna, Spemily**

"Just please tell me what happened tonight wasn't real", Spencer sobbed loudly, banging her cold fist against the door, letting it slide down to the gravel floor.

Tonight had been hell for her, finding out her lover was her tortuer, crying until she was sick, contemplating or not to ring and tell her friends or to stay in bed and have a panic attack.

She wished there was somebody for her right now, to wrap their arms around her shaking body, and though the person who could do it the best was on the opposite side of the two inch wood door.

"Tell me please there's something that I don't know", She cried, silently begging for an anwser. But not a sound responded.

After about ten more minutes of uncontrollable tears, Spencer realised there was no point in begging for him now , she walked down the stairs and hopped into her car where her phone buzzed.

Two missed calls from Emily, three from Hanna and five from Aria. _They can wait_ , Spencer thought to herself as she slided into her seat, letting the tears fall freely.

Spencer was almost home when she was waiting at a traffic light at the edge of her street when she began thinking.

 _Why would he do something like this? He must not love me... Nobody should anyway, but how could he pretend like that..._

She tried to get the thoughts out of her mind and focus on the road, she was almost at her house anyway. A part of her was expecting to see Toby at the door with his arms wide, prefusly apologising for the pain of tonight and beg her to take him back.

But nobody was, her parents weren't even there, they never really were though. It was at this time that Spencer felt the most lonely. She then grabbed her phone on her seat along with her handbag and strutted inside up to her room.

 _But maybe he never loved me. I'm never enough for anybody. No, stop thinking like this, I have to remain positive. How the fuck am I supposed to remain positive in this situation! I have nothing! I am nothing!_

And with that Spencer grabbed the photograph of her and him together and threw it on the bed with a thump, which resulted in it falling on the floor and smashing into a million peices, but Spencer didn't care.

She was about to jump on her bed and scream into her pillow, which seemed to always help a little bit, when something shiny caught her eye. A small, but powerful pencil sharpener, Spencer looked beside it to see her pencil case had fallen and spilt the contents on the carpet.

Though it wasn't so much the sharpener itself that caught Spencers eye, it was what was kept within it. Without thinking twice Spencer was soon untwisting the small screw holding down the sharp razor with the tip of her fingernails.

With a couple of tries she had finally yanked it out and held it between two of her fingers, letting her thoughts run wild in her head.

She took a deep breath in and striked it across her left wrist, cringing in pain as the blood dropped down her porcelain skin. But there was something about this, the feel it gave her. She was in control, she could punish herself now.

 _I was never good enough for him anyway,_ Spencer thought, dragging it against her wrist a fifth time.

But five cuts turned into seven, and seven cuts turned into nine, nine turned into twelve and it just kept going from there.

Soon enough she had more than fifty deep bleeding cuts on her wrist. Spencer sobbed louder and louder because of the pain, not the pain on her skin, because of the pain in her heart. The type that can't be fixed with bandages and stitches.

Spencer was now screaming and sobbing that she was sure anybody could here her now. She then looked down at her arm and felt a mixture of shame and satisfaction, her arm was riddled everywhere with deep red cuts, some sure she would need stitches.

Spencer watched slowly as more big blood droplets formed and feel down her arm onto the floor, she would worry about it later, just cover it up with a small rug or something other.

She then heard a sound that made her blood run cold as every millisecond turned to slow motion hours. The sound of her door about to be clicked open.

"Hey Spence we just realised we left yesterday's homework...", trailed off Aria, who was accompanied by Emily.

Everybody in the room froze, Aria and Emily's faces grew pale as Spencer looked at them with tears streaming down her face and blood pouring out of her arm.

"What... Spence...", Aria stuttered, looking down at her arm, coming to the realisation of what is happening in front of her. Spencers throat tightened and all she could muster was a loud sob all while she still held the blade between her petite fingers. "I'm... Sorry", she cries, trying to hold back a sob as her body racketed with shakes.

Aria and Emily had no idea what to do, they'd never experienced anything like this before. All they could do was stare at their friend who was always so strong, cut her fears away with a almost slow form of suicide. It felt like hours had passed though it they had only been standing there, looking down at Spencer broken in her study spinning chair for about five seconds.

Aria was eventually the one to break the painful silence with running up to Spencer and wrapping her in a bone crushing hug.

It was then when Spencer broke, she let out a ear splitting scream that turned into a sob while kicking and shrieking in Arias arms. Aria felt the warm sensation of the blood soak through her shirt, "I can't... I can't do this... This isn't happening Aria... This can't be happening", Spencer screamed and sobbed.

"Spencer what wrong, what happened", cried Aria, afraid for the other half of her Sparia. At that moment Emily joined the group, trying to help Spencer.

"No.. You can't know you can't", yelled Spencer, Aria looked at Emily with a worried look.

"What can't we know Spencer", cries Emily, which causes Spencer to dry harder, almost as if she was having a fight with her own mind.

"Where's Toby Spence", soothes Emily, trying to calm down Spencer with the thought of him. But she was oblivious no thanks to Spencer. The piling thought of Toby increased in Spencers mind, it was all becoming too much.

But then a thought entered Spencers mind, what if she could just escape, everything would be over in a matter of seconds. She looked at the open, door like window whom was open. _I could easily jump through it_ Spencer thought to herself as Emily and Aria held her tight, they had no idea of what was going on except from the fact that she needed as much love as she could get right now.

And with that, Spencer pushed them from her grip and sprinted for the window.

"Noooo!", Emily shouted and ran into Spencers side.

 _Almost_ thought Spencer who was a inch away from the window. She then felt her back hit the ground, though not hard enough, she hadn't fallen, but then realised that Emily had pushed her down basically saving her. Spencer panted heavily below Emily, not screaming, shouting or anything, she was to worn out.

"Oh my god Spencer what happened?", Emily cried.

"Tobys A", Spencer cried.

"Oh Spencer,", repeated Emily holding Spencer in her arms.

"He doesn't love me", Spencer stuttered. "He never did". "He was my everything".


	2. Chapter 2: Come On

**Thanks for the positive feedback guys! 3**

Emily and Aria don't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that", Sighs Spencer, sitting up, but secretly, she had a reason, a huge, big reason, that know one could ever know of... At least not anymore.

"Come on", Says Aria sweetly with the most sympathetic smile, leading Spencer by the hand to the bathroom to wash her arm.

"No!", cried Spencer, a little louder than she felt she should have. "What...", Aria said confusedly, "why".

"I've Ughh, just got to clean something up! Give me a minute", Spencer said drastically, scrambling over herself to go in there a lock the door.

"No Spencer come on open up! I don't trust you in there on your own", shouted Emily, banging on the Woden door.

Spencer knew she didn't have time to reply, if Emily wanted to break the door down she could. So Spencer grabbed a pad and wrapped the object up in it and threw it in her toiletry bin carefully, knowing she was probably going to get back to it later.

"Coming!", Spencer shouted, her voice raspy and breaking as she opened the door to Emily engulfing her in a hug, Spencer felt she had lost so much already, she was secretly scared it would be her friends tonight.

"Can I help you wash your cuts", Whispers Aria, Emily nodding along. "Okay", whispers Spencer, looking down, feeling particularly vulnerable at the moment. "But can we do it here, I don't really feel comfortable doing it in the bathroom", she lies, Spencer just didn't want them to find out about her little secret.

"Of course", Emily smiles, gently sitting Spencer down and lifting up her long jacket sleeves trying to make it as less painful as she can.

"Spence", sighs Aria, looking at Spencers arm, "he's actually A?", questions Aria.

Spencer nods, her eyes filling with tears and he breath stopped by a bug lump in her throat. "I swear I'm going to murder him. literally. fucking murder him", Emily snarls, which is a strange thing for her to do since she's usually the sweet and loyal girl.

Once Aria had finished cleaning up Spencer, she gave her a light kiss on her forehead of friendship. "Thanks for staying and helping", Spencer smiles sadly, "What do you mean?", asks Aria, "your coming with me".

"Huh", questions Spencer, "well you need stitches on that and if we leave you here alone I can tell your not going to ask your parents for help", Emily says.

"Your Mom would flip", says Spencer, raising her eyebrows, "not as much as yours", remarks Aria, grabbing a bag out of her walk in closet and throwing some long sleeved clothes in.

"Your right", Spencer whispers. "Come on", Aria says sympathetically.

"Just give me a minute", sighs Spencer, "okay, but please don't lock the door", says Aria, scared for her friends safety.

Spencer approached the bathroom and opened the small bin and grabbed it out. She felt the tears drip down her face once again because of what she was holding in her bony hands.

 _Positive,_ she read

Spencer was pregnant with Tobys baby.


	3. Chapter 3: Free Fall

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm so sorry I've been so inactive, I've been having lots of tests at the hospital for my Anorexia and hopefully I won't be admitted and will get better soon :) 3**

 **Spencers P O V**

"Are you okay Spence", Emily sighs. I quickly wipe the tears and hop out of the room and try my very hardest to not break down.

"Come on Spence, lets go, I packed your suitcase", Aria whispers, I can see the worry in her eyes and how scared she is for me.

I don't know what to say, so I nod my head and hang on to her arm like a little child. They both lead me to Arias car and help me inside "Did you want to go to the hospital first", Emily smiles.

"What", I say confused, I don't need to go to the hospital.. do I? "Those cuts really need stitches", Aria says, putting her warm hand on my shoulder, I again nod my head as I am filled with dread. _What is arias Mum going to think of me, better yet my Mum!_

My thoughts take up a long part of the bumpy ride, I feel Arias breath on the top of my head as I am leaning on her shoulder while Emily drives with my suitcase in the front. Her soft silk hands trail up and down my cheek until we end up in the driveway.

As I walk out of the car I take a big breath in and hold Emily's hand behind Aria who's knocking on the door.

"Oh hey girls! Aria you know what I said about friends on school nights, not to mention it's almost ten o'clock", Mrs Montgomery sighs, rolling her eyes and laughing.

"Mum... It's Spencer", Aria says, choking back tears from the painful lump in her throat. It's then Mrs Montgomery realises somethings not right. "Honey... What's going on", She asks kindly, making eye contact with me.

I start to panic and shake my head profusely, I try to back away but Emily tightens her grip around me, slightly scared I'm going to jump off the edge of her apartment.

"It's okay you can tell me Spence", she says sympathetically. "I can't", I choke, trying to break away from Emilys hold on me.

"You can Spence, just breath and no ones judging", Emily soothes, rubbing my shoulder

"Spencer tried to kill herself and she slit her wrists really deep", Aria blurts out, I honestly don't know what to say at all, I feel my body tense and everything gies black and the next thing I know... I'm free falling through the air.


	4. Chapter 4: Stay Strong For Me

**Spencers P O V**

"You have to stay strong for me Spence", I hear behind me, I know that voice. I spin around to see Alison behind me, I am overcomed with shock, she's dead...

"Come on... Don't freak out, I'm only your dead best friend", she giggles, she then walks over to me and holds her hands in mine, still no voice escapes my lips... Alison's here.

"I always thought you two would be cute together, you know, you and Toby".

"Your dead", I say, my voice breaking, Alison may have been a bitch, but she never could make you feel bad... It was just something about her, that made you feel so special.

"So I've heard", she chuckles, looking down sadly at her feet then looking back up at me with the most sympathetic smile.

"He's not A", she says again, I'm confused, I saw him in front of me in a black hoodie. "He is", I cry.

"No Spence... I always loved that about you. Your so logical, but you need to look behind the cracks, because we all know there is no truths in Rosewood", she says, looking in my eyes, I've missed her so much, I mean, we fought a lot before she disappeared but... I never really hated her at all.

"Who killed you Ali", I ask, squeezing her hands tighter, she sighs deeply then looks up and smiles.

"Not who you think, but you are close, you just need to wake up", she leans in and whispers in my ear, "what", I reply.

"Wake up"

 _Wake up_

 _Wake up_

 _Wake up_

 _Wake up_

"Wake up"

"come on Spence"

I flutter my eyes open to see Mrs Montgomery above me with Emily and Aria standing behind her, I let out a confused groan as I try to sit myself up.

"Honey you fainted", Arias Mum smiles, dabbing my freshly wounded arm with a washcloth.

"Alison?", I ask, I'm so confused... She was here a minute ago, "where is she", I cry.

Aria looks at Emily with a face full of concern and sadness. "Spence... Ali's been dead for over a year", Emily tears up... walking closer to me.

"I know... But she talked to me", I say, trying my best not to sound crazy.


	5. Chapter 5: The DamAge Is Done

**Spencers P O V**

"Honey... Ali's not here", Mrs Montgomery smiles sadly, I glance at Aria and Emily behind her, who I can see are trying hard to keep it together.

I sigh, unsure of what to say, "Okay, shall we go to the hospital", says Emily, sounding rushed and concerned. "I dont wanna go", I say with wide eyes, almost like a child would react to going to the dentist.

"Your cuts are so deep Spence", Aria sats, slightly tearing up.

"I want Toby", I sob loudly, Aria comes up and wraps her arms around me, followed by Emily.

"Mum", asks Aria.

"Mmm", Mrs Montgomery sighs, asking for Arias question. "Would it be okay with you if we just go to the hospital alone, Spencer, Emily and I".

"I guess so girls, but you have to keep me updated and don't even think about declining my calls", she says sternly, I nod and sniff quietly at the same time, holding Arias hand.

 **5 minutes later**

My head rests on Emilys shoulder while Aria drives. My wrist painfully throbs under the tightly wrapped towel to stop the bleeding that Arias Mum put on.

Aria then lets out a shreik, "oh my god! Did you two just see that!", she asks, jerking the car to a holt.

"What?!", Emily asks, unsure of Arias starement. "Some idiot in a black hoodie riding a skateboard almost crashed into us", she shouts shakily, visibly shaken.

It only takes me a second to put it together, and I'm guessing Emily as well.

To my surprise she slams open the door and runs out to catch the hoided figure... also known as Toby Cavanugh.

 **Emilys P O V**

I feel the rage bubbling up inside my veins as my heels click in a fast motion towards the skateboarder.

"TOBY! STOP", I yell, at the top of my lungs, trying to get his attention.

To my surprise, the figure stops in they're tracks, and slowly turns around. I feel my heart sink to my chest, it's actually, truely Toby.

I believed Spencer of course, but it didn't mean I wanted too.

"How could you do this! To her... to me, to all of us", I snarl, I feel the tears creeping up behind my eyes, I beg them not to come out.

"I did it to protect her", he says bluntly.

You know a kettle, when it's about to finish heating up, but right before it makes a fizz, then a pop, that's me right now.

"PROTECT HER!", I shout. "Oh well you've done a amazing job of that! Havent you!

Shes only sitting in the car on the way to the hospital with bleeding wrists and me holding her down so she doesn't jump out the fucking car door like she tried to with her window", I scream, tears rolling down my face with anger.

Tobys face is white, I hope he realises the damage he's caused. "Can I see her", he says, I can hear his voice breaking from underneath the hood.

I want to say yes so badly, but the only words that escape my lips are the words that I feel are the most practical for this situation. "

Fuck You!", I spit out like fire.


	6. Chapter 6: Take my Breath Away

**Spencers P O V**

I close my hands over my ears as I hear the shouting from outside from Emily, Aria climbs to me and wraps her arms around me, almost in a protective kind of way. My breathing is shaky in a shaving kind of way while tears swim down my cheeks. I feel Aria hug me tighter... Then soft, gentle kisses, like wiping them away.

What does this mean? I think. But my thoughts are going wild, it just feels so right, so... Natural, even if Aria just means it in a friend sort of way... I can feel sparks, real fireworks... so much more than I felt with Toby.

I sigh as Aria turns and looks at me, her expression soon shows it all... She felt it too.

It's only a matter of time until my mouth is touching hers, passionately twisting tongues. I... I think I love her.

 **So guys, this chapter was not at all how I expected it going, and also I'm so sorry for how short it is! I guess I just wanting to let you guys know I'll be active on this story. Tell me in the reviews what you thi k and if you would prefer Spoby or a Sparia love story:))))))**


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